Soul Mates and Their Stories

Vanessa and Rudy are in their late thirties and fell in love while still at university, "I just knew he was the one," she smiles, "not instantly, he didn't immediately appeal to me but he just got to me in the end, like a virus!" Vanessa laughs and hands me a cup of coffee in her trendy kitchen, in the even trendier part of Camden Town, London. She and Rudy lived together for several years, and then broke up. So why do they both still think they're soul mates?

"I never could get over him, I went out with other guys when we split up but it was Rudy I dreamt about all the time, which was unusual, like some part of me knew, this was wrong, we should be together. It was Rudy I cared about really if I'd been honest with myself, which I wasn't, for a while. But I felt he was still with me in a way, you know, couldn't shake him out of my mind, didn't feel I could ever really lose him, though I'd left him. When we kinda shuffled back into each other's lives, neither of us admitting we both wanted to, deep down we knew we were right together and no-one else. We just fit, we have our ups and downs like any couple and can fight like cats and dogs, or I do, god knows, but we grow together, (Rudy nods as he passes with a toddler in tow) I think we'd both say we're much better people through what we've been through and learnt together. I was a right little cow, " Vanessa laughs, "whereas Rudy's you know, got loads of empathy and taught me that, which I certainly never did before. When we went our separate ways for nine months I'd had enough at that time, he drove me mad, always mild, never would quarrel so I'd quarrel with myself while he just sat there. I felt what I had to say was ignored, over his head, he couldn't deal with me, listen to me and my needs. But in time I knew I was wrong, I needed to calm down and think before I opened my big fat mouth!"

I ask Rudy how he feels he's changed through being with his soul mate?

"I didn't feel I'd a right to express my opinion really and even when I did I didn't know how, I'm much more open since Vanessa, I'm better with people." How does that make him feel? "Less cut off from everyone you know, I can express myself more which means I'm happier, I've got a wider circle now as a result too," Rudy beams at Vanessa with admiration and they exchange lover's glances as he hauls their child away to change a nappy.

Anita and Will are in their forties and met at a parent's evening of their local primary school which both their children attended. Anita shyly tells me in the bar of an hotel near their Bournemouth home, "I recognised him when I saw him, which was mad as I'd never seen the man before!"

Will comments, "I'd seen this attractive woman, thought she looked nice, I was going through a painful divorce at the time and needed to distract myself so I asked her out.

"Oh I was a distraction was I!" Anita laughs with mock anger.

"I've always been very spiritual," Will continues," and I knew this was a special lady, within a month I proposed, which went against the grain as I wasn't ready for any more commitment but something compelled me, or maybe I felt I had to grab her while I could." Anita smiles and they look very happy together, Will's arm around her as they eagerly tell me about their soul mate match.

"Will was just the kind of guy I'd always avoided, you know I thought he was too - well everything, nothing he offered did I want but somehow despite my misgivings it all worked out. It's strange that you think you know what you want and then life shows you what you need." The couple have been married now for ten years and next summer Will has planned a renewal of their vows in church,

"I want to remind her she's all mine," he smiles and winks at Anita while stroking her shoulder.

"As if I could forget darling," she brushes his face with her hand tenderly, she turns to me. "It's like there's some invisible thread that draws you together, no matter what, and I'm very glad it did!"

Jean and Joe are sitting on a sofa in the living room of their cosy, primped and polished council house in Wandsworth, they are in their eighties and holding hands. What's it like having a soul mate?

"Bloomin' marvellous," twinkles Joe, chortling, "she's me best girl and me best friend an all." Jean pipes up, smiling softly like a young girl, whilst looking into Joe's eyes,

"We been together sixty year and each day it gets better, " she tells me. How does it get better? "You got to realise that love and marriage change all the time, it ain't never the same one day or the next, you let go and let it change. If you was to try to keep it the same always you'd be stifling it like not watering a pot plant, the pot plant dies don't it." What kind of husband does a soul mate make? Jean's gaze is still tenderly fixed on Joe, "the best, he is the best, he's put up with me nerves and done all for me what he could and I done the same for him. You wont believe it now but when I was a young girl, I was very pretty -."

Joe interrupts: "You're beautiful darlin'." And he looks at me, "to me Jean is always beautiful and always will be, she's my girl." Jean giggles and pats Joe's hand,

"As i say I was a looker and could have most blokes I fancied, but Joe, now he didn't have much, you know like some others did, he had to graft hard, he couldn't treat me to the pictures all the time or buy me gifts, but moment I clapped eyes on him I knew, that's my fella, we got eleven grandkids now," she tells me with pride.

Did Joe know Jean was the one for him? "I knew she was a stunner, but that weren't it, like with other girls you think, they look nice, I'll see if she likes me, but with my Jean it were't her looks, although she's lovely, something told me, I don't know what it was, that this were the girl for me. I must admit I wasn't happy about that at first, I wasn't ready to settle down." Did Joe ever doubt himself? "Yeah, a few times, it's only human ain't it? But deep down I couldn't shake off the feeling I love this girl. And I'd done anything to get her! Anything - believe me, what it took I did and I never regretted it for a moment. Jean is my sweetheart and always will be." Joe and Jean swap glinting looks of great warmth and adoration. Has it always been easy for them? Have they ever had difficulties?

Joe pipes up, "Oh yeah! She were a wild girl, she needed a bit o' training but I trained her up and she's come up trumps!"

Jean laughs and playfully slaps his arm, "We've had our troubles love, same as every couple, but if you get through them, which you will if you want to, it's better than millions in the bank, my Joe is worth every minute I spent on him."

It seems one definition of soul mates, is couples who have enough love for each other to make the effort and are prepared to bridge the gap between all individuals to work on their relationship, who see it as a work in progress their whole lives, and above all know that the efforts they make to make their partner happy, are worthwhile and in the end is a certain path to fulfilment and lifelong contentment for both of them.

Send your soul mate stories to: ethel@soul-mates.org.uk

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